Loving-kindness meditation is a practice of silently offering good wishes, first to yourself and then to other people. A first session can take five to ten minutes and needs only a place to sit and a few short phrases.
The University of Illinois Extension describes the practice as one of care, concern and friendship, taught in a set order: yourself, then someone you feel neutral about, then someone you find difficult.
Choose your phrases
A phrase is a short wish that starts with "May", a pronoun and "be". For yourself the pronoun is the first-person one; for other people it is "you". The Illinois handout suggests picking three phrases that feel right, or writing your own. Its endings include:
- be happy
- be safe
- be peaceful
- be well in mind and body
- be filled with loving-kindness
The University of Minnesota's Center for Spirituality and Healing lists more, such as "be at ease" and "be kind to yourself". It also says you may use your own words.
Try it step by step
- Sit comfortably. Minnesota describes settling into a comfortable seated position and following the natural rhythm of the breath. A chair works; see the guide to meditating in a chair.
- Begin with yourself. Repeat your three phrases silently. Illinois notes that this can feel awkward at first and suggests staying with it. Over time, work toward five to ten minutes on yourself, and use a timer if that helps.
- Move to a neutral person. Think of someone you do not know well, such as a store clerk or a person on your commute. Switch the pronoun to "you", as in "May you be happy."
- Move to a difficult person. Offer the same phrases to someone you have difficulty with, again with "you". This step can wait until you have practiced the first two a few times.
- Finish quietly. Let the phrases go and sit for a moment before you stand up.
You can repeat the phrases silently or let them wash over you. Minnesota says it can help to let go of expectations, and to drop some or all of the guidance if it does not feel right.
Keep it small
Illinois says the benefits are best experienced when the practice is repeated regularly, so a few minutes a day is a reasonable way to begin. Minnesota notes the phrases are portable: they can be used on a bus or while walking down a hall.
Meditation usually carries few risks, according to the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health, but few studies have looked at harmful effects. If a session leaves you upset, stop and do something else.
Next step
Prefer to be guided? Explore guided meditations on the web or get Moodscape for iPhone. Sign in to use the web app. Some sessions are free and others require Premium.
New to meditation overall? Start with the beginner's guide to guided meditation, or try a short guided meditation first.